Say Goodbye
by MidnightSakuraBlossom and SYD
Summary: During the American Revolution, England struggles to accept America's risky desicions for independence. America would never know how broken he really was at the time, because England still cares about him and can't say goodbye just yet... Songfic.


_**Do I dare explain why I wrote this songfic? Do you REALLY need me to tell you? I think it has already been summed up to the point.**_

_**Yes, I just jumped on the bandwagon again. With another Hetalia songfic. Featuring a Skillet song (THEY ARE SO, SO EPIC). Anyway, I was trying to throw around fanfic ideas with SYD and she brought up the Hetalia American Revolution scene. This was while "Say Goodbye" by Skillet was playing from my music player. And...it all came to be right then and there. That I could write a songfic, using that theme. And it would be fitting.**_

_**I hope you enjoy! I didn't really write all-out UsUk this time around, this is taking a look at the more platonic/brotherly side. However, if you want to look at some moments as shounen-ai subtext, I won't have any objections.**_

_**Disclaimer: Hetalia isn't mine. The song "Say Goodbye" is by Skillet. I'm too...average to be able to own either. :(**_

_**~MidnightSakuraBlossom, the hardcore Skillet fanatic**_

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Say Goodbye

Written By: MidnightSakuraBlossom

Song included: "Say Goodbye" (duh) by Skillet

Proofread: ...No...

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He never once imagined it would come to this. Well, it was faintly obvious in the beginning that they would part from each other, but he would never be able to guess it would taken to this level.

Rain was coming down and cries of agony and determination shook the silence. Blood washed away off the grass and dirt, and corpses of brave men sacrificing themselves for what they believed was right was left and right.

Two people stood before each other, males. Both not ordinary humans, they were personified nations whom were immortal to a certain level and far more complex than your average person. Complex...was an understatement...

Fierce blue eyes locked with betrayed, bewildered green ones staring right back. Weapons were pointed, the other with bare hands. One believing that he was doing what had to be done, the other giving a silent prayer that minds and goals would be changed and this didn't have to happen.

One thing that the two shared was this: they consciously knew what was happening and that they couldn't sit back and let things end the other person wants it to.

**Things are changing**

**It seems strange and,**

**I need to figure this out**

"Is this really how you want to end it?" England snapped, finding his voice again. His eyes were now just as fierce, hostile, but beginning to sting with genuine tears of hurt. He steadied himself, trying not to be intimidated by the fact he was soon at the point of defeat in this round. "You're just going to throw everything away that we once had, without even trying to be reasonable?"

"I'm throwing this away for good reason, you can't make me change my mind!" America was quick to snap back, his hands calmly on his weapon ready for fire. He had lost somewhat during this battle, but determination within him was burning and he was sure he would finally conclude this. His eyes narrowed and fingers were inches from the trigger. "I told you I was finished for good. I don't need you anymore. You're the last person I ever want to have in my life!"

"You can't stand there and say that!"

"Oh hell yes I will! You have no authority over me! You're weak, England, weak. I just never once imagined...I would face you this way..."

"Well, it's too late for second thoughts!"

"Who said I had any...?"

**You've got your life**

**I got mine**

**But you're all I cared about**

What could convince him that he was making a wrong decision? How could he possibly mean all of this nonsense he was spouting off and filling into his population? Freedom, rights, standing on his own two feet against the world without the help of a crutch, Blah.

That hurt, England knew it did. But what was most painful was hearing him snap, claiming that he must not have cared about him to have been such an annoying bastard and ruin his life. Because...

Because...

He wasn't completely right.

The words pierced through his heart like a sharpened blade. England could feel the intense ache when he mentioned that he thought maybe he had been lying about really caring about him all this time, why else would he suddenly turn as he gets more populated and stronger and try to make him fall weak to his knees without his support. This wasn't completely true...

Because America has been all that he cared about, for quite some time. And now, maybe, he still did care about him...he was lonely at one time and couldn't admit that, but he happened to come across a cute, bold little boy whom admittedly did get on his last nerves at times. But the boy was like a breath of fresh air for his life because he didn't feel like he was all alone.

He had responsibility, authority, power, but most of all: he had somebody in his life to share some good times and bad times.

After all, he was acting as a parental/brotherly figure. And wasn't it...natural to be tough at times?

**Yesterday we were laughing**

**Today I'm left here asking**

**Where has all the time gone now?**

"_America! What are you doing in that tree? Get out of there immediately!" England hollered in distress upon noticing that a young America had somehow climbed a very tall tree, standing on a weak limb to overlook this mysterious land England had taken him to shortly after his discovery._

_The young child merely laughed obliviously, liking the highness and the wind ruffling his hair and long shirt._

_England was not so happy. He looked pale, horrified, and generally like he was about to pass out if America accidentally fell._

_And then it happened._

_America decided he would be daring and jump, he sprang off and a panicked England could feel his heart slam against chest as he bolted forward hoping to catch him._

_The time just slowed, and before England was even aware from the blood coursing through his body and his frantic breathes, the small colony was held protectively in his arms and smiling as he snuggled into his chest._

"_America..." England paused, taking a deep breath, maybe he wouldn't pass out from the horror of may have happened to the boy if he didn't burst into action. America was happily oblivious again. "Don't do that. Ever again. What am I going to-"_

_He was cut off with a little giggle coming from the boy. England blinked, staring at those big blue eyes gazing at him with mischief. He just allowed a soft smile and offered a quiet laugh._

. . .

**I'm left alone somehow**

**Growing up and getting older**

**I don't want to believe it's over**

_A teenage America burst into England's home, looking rather furious. A scowl was present on his face, rather than his usual goofy look. His fingers extended as if to claw something, before retreating back and so on._

_England had been in the process of reading some piece of literature, a long and boring book probably. He set that aside after noticing his colony's presence. And was immediately alarmed by the change in atmosphere._

"_Damn it, why are you putting more taxes on stuff?" America shouted at him, not giving him a chance to speak. England was left without a reply, before America added some more to his rant. "My people are really suffering now, they want some breakthrough! I'm trying to live with it, I'm sorry, I can't! Your damn rules and whatnot have got to go, England!"_

"_What are you trying to say?"_

"_I'm done."_

"_Just what is that supposed to mean...?"_

"_England, it means," America spun around and opened the door as quick as he had burst in. Doing so a little more roughly than necessary. "I'm not waiting around anymore for a miracle, I'm standing up on my own and taking a chance."_

"_If you think you can come in like a madman and say all this to my face, America, you are gravely mistaken." England arose and stormed over just as America left the room. He raised his tone and shouted through the door, "I would like to see you try to stand up on your own! You haven't any experience with the world, you are nothing without someone on your side!"_

"_That's what you think! But you will see just what I can do alone..."_

"_Don't you dare walk away from me! America!"_

**Don't say goodbye**

**'Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight**

**'Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I**

He was ultimately serious with the decision of rebelling and leaving him and everything behind. To be, officially, independent and no longer needing him. But England couldn't just see him go like this, he had to do anything in his power to thwart it.

If he didn't, America would walk away into chaos and would eventually crumble from the harsh world. In England's mind, he was needed for authority and protection. How else could he stand up for himself? There weren't many nations who have been able to successfully stand up with power and be able to survive against ruthless people. And he...didn't have high hopes for America.

This talk about freedom, power, standing up without any aid, it was all going to prove ridiculous in time! He couldn't possibly stand here with a gun and claim he can survive! So this was his last chance to prevent him from turning his back for good.

Did he have the chances to turn the tables now? The battle has been raging for some time, men and supplies was low. And both had numerous strategies to bring the enemy to defeat, but only a few succeeded in hindsight.

**And although we knew**

**This time would come for me and you**

**Don't say anything tonight**

**If you're gonna say goodbye**

Looking into America's eyes, England somehow knew that he was waiting for his move.

But his body...it wouldn't move now. His hands were beginning to tremble, and the annoying tears he was trying to prevent from spilling wouldn't stop trying to flow without control.

**Do you remember**

**In December**

**How we swore we'd never change**

_Time had gone by in a bit of a blur for England. He walked along snow-covered streets and watched as America, whose human age was probably around ten to eleven now – for he lost count, went around watching it fall and glimmer in amazement._

"_England! England, can we go play in some of that snow? Please?" America babbled gleefully, running up to England's side._

"_No, we need to be getting home." England tried to explain, however, America pouted and his grin had faded. "Perhaps another time, at least until it snows like this again."_

"_But we haven't spent any time together in months! You're always away and I have to try and adapt alone..."_

_Why did those words suddenly make his own lips part, but he couldn't find any kind of reply? Maybe it was just the mood switch, or maybe the fact the child was pretty much accurate with that comeback. For once, he couldn't scold him._

_For some time, England had been away. Reasons varied, and he returned between large gaps of time. So lately, America has been alone and trying to to adapt to this new lifestyle the older nation was trying to push on him._

**Even though you're leaving**

**Our feelings**

**Would always stay the same**

"_Times are so weird now." America murmured, looking down at the snow-covered side of the street and slightly looking up at England through his bangs. "It's not easy to admit, but I sometimes get lonely."_

"_There are lots of other people to be around." England suggested, hoping to raise his spirits again. "Various families that have surprisingly taken an interest in you and your being. And there are other children you play with."_

"_But...I..." America refused to look up, his cheeks reddened as his voice lowered – slightly, but England could detect when it was not his usual booming tone. "I haven't spent time with you, I sort of...miss you..."_

_The last part had come out very fast and obviously hesitant. America could feel the heat flooding his cheeks, it shouldn't have been this hot outside, he was immediate in turning away. But then, he felt a hand on his shoulder._

_And when he turned around and looked back up, England had lowered himself to be eye-level with him and was smiling kindly. America had noticed he didn't smile often, so this came off as unexpected. "Don't be embarrassed. Honestly, I miss you too. Perhaps we can spend some time together tomorrow, before I leave again."_

_Sapphire eyes blinked repeatedly, before shining with obvious happiness. America didn't say anything, but that combined with his smile gave his thoughts away._

**I wish we could be laughing**

**Instead I'm standing here asking**

**Do we have to end this now?**

**Can we make it last somehow?**

England took a step forward, shaky, but it was still a step. America was ready to fire, and he was nearly ready to shoot him in the face or heart if he had to.

He almost froze up when England had grasped his shoulders weakly and glared right into his eyes. America was near taken aback to see a few tears that had slipped out trickling down his cheeks. But was this from sadness or just fury against him?

"England, listen to me," America could have easily broken from his hold. He hadn't forgotten about his strength that had come in handy during this battle, but he merely chose not to. Although the weapon was shoved to his chest. "I've told you that it's over and I've had enough of your 'protection' crap you try and shield me with-"

"Shut up! Shut up for a second and let me just tell you one thing!"

America could have disagreed to that and knocked him off. He could have shot him. He could have gotten his men to perform a sneak attack. Or, whatever remained of his men as most of them fighting were getting killed or starved from lack of food.

He, for once, let England talk. No getting the wrong idea, he hated the thought of doing this. But England would soon be defeated, he could get a vibe that this battle was nearing it's conclusion in due time.

"America...you don't know what kind of chaos is out there in the world. You are diving head first into it, you still cannot remain strong...even if you manage, do you really believe you can be different from everyone else and succeed with those freedom speeches you babble?"

"Maybe I didn't know much about the world when I was a kid, but now I know what to expect. I'm not stupid, England! And I need some freedom in my life, I feel like this was meant to happen to me!"

"Talking about having freedom is nowhere near the same as living it." England bitterly murmured, looking away momentarily. He felt as though there was more he needed to say, anything to try and convince him.

And there were so many things he wanted to say, but couldn't bring himself to do it. In the heat of the moment, America had finally shoved him away and began to fire, but England remained fast and managed to get out of harm's way.

**We both know what we've gotta say, not today**

**'Cause I don't wanna leave this way**

_England was getting ready for bed just as the clouds rolled through the dark sky and the stars illuminated through. He was about to walk away from the large window of his room and crawl under the covers when he heard feet pad across the floor._

_He turned to see America standing there in the open doorway looking a little afraid. He shivered, though he tried to not make that visible. He didn't seem to favor showing weakness._

"_Why are you not in bed?" England sighed, coming closer and picking up the five year old gently and brushing through his hair._

"_W-weird...there's weird sounds outside my window...England..." The child heard a loud gust of wind from outside, and then branches scraping the window. England knew it was just the trees and wind, but America was scared whether he wanted to admit that or not and buried his face in his chest. "Are there ghosts out there...?"_

_He was about to remind America that such things didn't exist. His room was not the lair of spirits coming to haunt him forever like something out of outlandish tales he heard around the area. But seeing as though America was scared and clinging to him, how could he possibly get him to calm down and fall asleep?_

"_Well...would you be less scared if you slept with me tonight?"_

_America looked up at the request, as if he had been anticipating that suggestion. "What? I-I'm not scared or anything, I-I can handle-"_

"_America, you're scared."_

_America seemed more or less irritated by that announcement, his eyes narrowed and his cheeks reddened immediately. But another gust of wind roaring outside sent him forgetting that comment and back into England's chest._

_Whispering things to sooth him, England carried him over to the large bed and allowed him to crawl up under. Just for that night of course. He didn't want this to be habit, it felt weird. But, better him being there for him than, tch, France._

_It wasn't long before the two fell asleep. America snuggled in England's arms._

**Don't say goodbye**

**'Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight**

**'Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I**

All of the memories were running through England's mind at impossible speeds. As he picked up his weapon and charged forward towards America, ready to just knock some reality into that thick skull and make him realize that was doing all of this for his own good. Maybe he did seem like an impossible tyrant or something, but what the idiot didn't realize was that he was not even trying to be the enemy.

He wanted to save him from experiencing took toughs like he had. When he was much younger and rather in over his head when it came to the world. Although England didn't look it, he had been rebellious in past times.

With this battle having raged on for a long time, England was prepared to end it all with one good attack. He finally got America defenseless, caught off guard as the dark clouds gathered in the night sky for another round of rain.

**And although we knew**

**This time would come for me and you**

**Don't say anything tonight**

**If you're gonna say goodbye**

A somber silence filled the battlefield. As the rain washed blood and tears. America had been caught off guard defenseless and stood there in shock upon noticing he would soon be badly injured.

But no pain ever followed. Because the weapon was mere centimeters away from his face and staying there if not a little shaky.

England's hands and feet shook, he couldn't find it in him to pull the trigger. And it felt, it literally felt as though his heart had stopped for a brief moment which felt like an eternity. What was he about to do? Why was he about to do this? Would it all prove necessary when all has been said and done?

"America..." The name came out in a tone which was hurt deeply, briefly breaking by the end. At long last, the tears he had been holding back were released and all came out as he tossed the weapon away. "I can't do this anymore...I...I..."

Too affected by this wave of reality to be ashamed of the traitor tears, England fell onto his knees as America watched with both shock at seeing him release his emotions for the first time and then a slight amount of pity.

"England..."

"You don't...you don't understand what I have been trying to do all this time..." The tears stung as they fell into the fingers pressed against his eyes. His heart ached and he just felt ill now. "But it, it doesn't matter...g-go on."

England, you-"

"You don't need me anyway..." England managed to lift his head, just as his face contorted to a grimace. Which clashed horribly with his glossy and teary eyes and cheeks. "Why are you still standing here? Go on and be happy with your independence, but someday...someday you will be crawling back to me and I won't allow you in!"

For once, America had nothing to say. It was if his legs were frozen, and he remained there taking all of this in and watching his ex-brother be reduced to a mess of emotions as he cried.

**And if it's over**

**It hurts but I'm giving you my word**

**I hope that you're always**

**Happy like we were**

**Happy like we were**

"_England, do you think we'll ever separate?"_

_America was always full of questions, but England hadn't been anticipating that one and was bewildered upon hearing it for the very first time. All he knew was that the boy had randomly asked this during dinner._

_During the moment, of course, England couldn't think of a valid answer. So he merely ignored it and brought confusion upon America. Later that night, after he was finished washing up the dishes, he seriously considered what he could have been implying._

**Don't say goodbye**

**'Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight**

**'Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I**

**And although we knew**

**This time would come for me and you**

_But at long last, while tucking America in bed for the evening, England found a reply to his curious question:_

"_When the time comes, most colonies will grow in power and be ready to split from a country over them. I'm not suggesting you won't ever grow like that and be alarmingly powerful like others, but there will come a time you will be recognized as independent and not having to rely on me._

_America had merely nodded, England guessed that he didn't understand what his words meant totally._

_Just as the boy began to fall asleep underneath the blankets, England leaned down and planted a soft kiss to his forehead before taking his leave._

**Don't say anything tonight**

**If you're gonna say goodbye**

Sometime after the battle, England returned home feeling hollow and beaten down. Like it would be some time before he could fully adjust to not having America's voice be heard throughout the house and the sound of various items from his travels in the past broken beyond repair.

Even if he was a lot to handle, there wasn't a time England believed he committed a mistake taking the boy in. Because nearly every day was memorable. Even if he rebelled, there was no way he would be able to forget about him.

England had said a lot of harsh, vicious words during that battle. Most he regretted, he truly didn't hate America. He hated what he was trying to do this soon. Okay, yes he could admit that he was alarmingly getting stronger and able to stand up for himself...but he couldn't accept having him slip from his grasp without ending things properly. Not by a battle.

**Yesterday we were laughing (if you're gonna say goodbye)**

**Today I'm left here asking (if you're gonna say goodbye)**

The house felt so much more empty without America. It was dark and big, but containing only one person. And if England strained his ears enough, he swore he could make out his younger voice happily greet him as he always did upon returning to see how much he had grown during his absence.

England trudged through and into the hallways. He felt a chill descend his spine, he dismissed this as nothing.

Once in his bedroom, he didn't bother to strip the clothes he had worn in battle. He collapsed onto his bed and tried to drift off to sleep, to get his mind off all of this. But he couldn't, because the first thing he saw in the back of his mind was America's shocked face when he had nearly attacked him one last time.

A few tears broke loose again. And silently trickled down his cheeks as he buried his face into the pillow. He would have screamed, but he couldn't find his voice. He didn't know whether to be enraged or full of sorrow. Maybe he was both, he just couldn't figure it out.

Now he would have to go out tomorrow and put on a stoic mask, telling himself that no matter how many years or centuries went by, no matter what hardships or mayhem, America could never be aware of how broken he was. It was time harbor any trace of emotion for him.

The United States of America...

That was England's last thought before he had silently cried himself to a long slumber. Which his ex-brother would never know about.

**And although we knew this time would come for me and you**

**Don't say anything tonight**

**If you're gonna say goodbye**

The End.

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_**Skillet is a Christian rock group, although a lot of their music doesn't come out and mention God per see. Most songs you can see a subtext however. And some songs, like this one, can be based on human relationships. I listen to this song and I think of friends whom have been by each others' side forever, and then has to break it all for some reason – just my interpretation. Anyway, Skillet is awesome, I insist you look into them.**_

_**And you should feel more emotion if you listen to the song while reading, I had to take short breaks whilst writing because of constantly getting embarrassingly choked up. *Sweatdrop***_

_**If you have any comments/advice, I'd be glad to hear it! Flames will be used to roast marshmallows at a bonfire with friends.**_

_**Now...for me to get back to my other fics...**_

_**~MidnightSakuraBlossom**_


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